It's a nice day for a purple wedding?
by Meme-Ann
Summary: Set after Trapped.Taz and Averman are getting married, but before they get down the aisle, there will be a string of mishaps that could only happen to them.
1. 1

~* I don't own the Ducks, they belong to Disney and Taz is the property of the fantastic Stalk Star, Kory Montel is mine. This story is set just over two years after 'Trapped' and I'll be using the same inspiration generator for a challenge in each chapter. If you have a challenge you'd like to see in future chapters, just send them to me.*~

The song Girlfriend In A Coma by The Smiths / An accusation of having 'rather gay hair' / A severe insult directed at Luis 

Taz's POV

Les is in the living room muttering at the DVD player, he's convinced Banks broke it on him last week when he told Adam he had 'Rather gay hair.' Personally, I think it might be on the fritz because of the can of Grape Soda, I spilled in it the other day. I however am not about to tell him that. I may get my engagement ring taken back if he finds out I killed his precious DVD player.

Wait a minute, you didn't know Averman and I are getting married? Where have you been? It's the talk of Minnesota for crying out loud. Well, I guess I may be exaggerating a little, but it is a big deal to all our friends. The proposal had taken place right in front of all them at the joint birthday party Charlie and I have every year. The funniest part of it was he'd accidentally mixed up the small present boxes in the car and I had opened the one containing the autograph ticket stub from a Minnesota Wild game, Charlie got the ring with the amethyst butterfly on it.

"Mail's here!" I call from the kitchen, watching the postmen leave the driveway of our apartment, from the window above the stove.

"So go get it." Les instructs frustrated, still tinkering with the entertainment system. I will tell him what I did to it eventually, I'm almost sure I will.

"I'm making lunch, so unless you want Frisbee rather then cheeseburgers, you better go check."

I hear the door open followed by the sound of footsteps on the stairs. I nod and grin, I won. I normally do, I think after two years of being together he's finally realized it's best not to argue with me. His things seem to wind up in pieces or bent to hell that way.

Again I hear feet on the stairs, though this time they seem to be running, and the door flies open. "We got an RSVP for the wedding!"

I bounce happily, elbowing the pan, almost knocking the food to the floor in the process. "Open it!"

My fiancé does as he's told with a happy smile. I can tell he's bursting with excitement too, this is the first RSVP, we've gotten back. It's funny how we could not get along for so long, but really we're practically the same person inside. We get worked up over the same silly little things. "Oh, it's just Charlie's, plus one it says. I guess Kory's, coming back from college for the wedding."

"Who invited her?" I snort and roll my eyes. Kory Montel, I hate that girl with a passion. Charlie deserves so much better then that. 

"Come one Taz, behave, you haven't seen her in over a year, give it a break."

"My point exactly, she just packs up and goes back to Georgia and leaves poor Charlie, here, the girl is evil."

"This from a Super-Ball on speed, who I know wrecked my new DVD player and has let me blame Banksie all morning." Les teases, kissing my forehead.

I blush, busted. "You caught me huh?"

"Oh yeah."

With the subject changed from my despise of Charlie's girlfriend, I decide to mention something I've had on my mind for a day or two. "I think you should get purple tuxes." I declare just as he takes a bite of his burger.

Les promptly chokes, sputters and spews him food all over my tidy kitchen floor. "Oh no, no way. We've already got purple flowers, purple bridesmaid dresses and I'm still trying to figure out how Fulton tracked down that purple limo, I'm even willing to have 'Girlfriend in a coma' by the Smith's played as the dollar dance song, but I draw the line at me wearing purple. I am not going to my own wedding dressed like Barney the dinosaur."

I pout a bit, though he is right. It's his wedding too, I shouldn't be so pushy, I guess I can let him think he's won. I'll work on him more later, I don't give up that easily. "So, what VD infected groupie do you think Luis will be bringing?"

He laughs. "Now you know as well as I do Luis's girlfriend doesn't have VD, it's herpes we need to worry about."

I flop onto Les's lap and he wraps his arms around my waist, I can't wait to get married. He leans in like he's going to kiss my cheek and instead blows on it, it of course makes a raunchy farting noise. "Gross Taz, excuse yourself."

I pinch him in the thigh, hop off his lap and run toward the bedroom giggling as he chases behind me. As long as we're together, nothing can go wrong.


	2. 2

A nun / A pathological fear of window envelopes / Neopets.com   
  
Averman's POV  
  
I'm marrying a gremlin. A gremlin with a bizarre addiction to pop rocks and a pathological fear of window envelopes. A gremlin that has a tendency not to think things through before she does them. I guess that's one of the things we have in common really.  
  
Her wedding dress just arrived and I've never seen her more excited. Right now she's in the bedroom trying it on. I'm so proud of my girl, she designed it all her own. Diligently drawing until her fingers were raw and her erasers stubs. Her face lit when she finished, Then we sent the pattern to her grandmother in Ireland to sew it all together and now it's here.  
  
"Something isn't right." I hear Taz's voice and look up to see her standing the middle of the living room.  
  
She's definitely correct, there is something wrong with the dress. It look exactly like the picture, the lace train, lavender beads on the bodice and one large blue tear drop shaped fake pearl right at the bottom of her cleavage. It's beautiful, it's also too small. Taz can barely put her arms down and it's not even zipped in the back, even the trail looks small.  
  
I laugh and shake my head. "You forgot to convert the measurements into the metric system didn't you?"  
  
My fiancé nods pitifully with a pout. "I have to have this fixed and we can't afford it."  
  
"Don't worry about it, babe. We'll think of something. Maybe we can ask Sister Mary Martha to fix it, nuns must know how to sew."  
  
"Yeah…"  
  
"You know, I've been thinking, maybe she could do the service. Do you think nuns can marry people?"  
  
She giggles. "How the heck should I know?"  
  
I shrug, fingering her lilac locks and she sighs frustrated, tugging at her dress.  
  
"I've got something to cheer you up sweetie. I was going to hold off on telling you but, I'm giving you the honeymoon of your dreams."  
  
"So I'm spending my wedding night with Colin Farrell?" Taz teases with an angelic grin.  
  
I smile and put an arm around her. "Sure, I'll be in the next room with Heather Graham . No, we're going to Ireland."  
  
"What?!? Are you serious?!? Oh, I love you!"  
  
"Oh good, I hate to think I'm marrying somebody that doesn't even like me."  
  
"Yeah, that would be quite the bummer wouldn't it?"  
  
"It would." I sigh dramatically. "Why don't you go take that off so we can get it resized."  
  
"I'll do that, then I'm going to get in the shower. After that we're going to over to Banks' because you need to apologize to him for accusing him of breaking the DVD player." Taz kisses my nose, raises from the sofa and walks out of the room.  
  
"Anything you say dear." I call as she disappears down the hall.   
  
When I hear the water turn on in the bathroom, I wander over to the computer and turn it on. I sighed into my Neopets.Com account and smirk. I have this purple creature named Taryn the Terrible, it's cute. I also haven't fed it in a while. I better do that.  
  
"Ahhh! *crash* Shit. Help!" Right after I go help my future wife up off the bottom of the tub. This is why we should get those little rubber things to keep you from slipping. 


End file.
